I think that describes how I feel, it is like my life has been ripped out from under me and I have been transported to a new house and a new life. A life that revolves around cancer.
My husband has a rare form of Leukemia which there is no cure for, but, they give you chemo in the hope that it will prolong your life….but at what cost…. every 28 days we start anew chemo round of two injections every day for 7 days, his stomach becomes red, bruised, too sore to touch and his appetite has gone, food has no taste and this is just the start…..then on top of that 2 chemo tablets a day, after the chemo injections he is so tired that he sleeps most of the time, he is fatigued and I watch him fade before my eyes.
So far the last two months we have then gone in for him to have blood transfusions, then he picks up, just starts to feel better and wham we start all over again……how long for… forever….this is our life from now until he dies……we are hoping and praying that after the first 6 months he may pick up a bit and have a little quality of life….we hope so.
I treasure every moment that he is a part of my life and I am so grateful that I have him in my life in whatever form that is so for this reason alone the treatment is worthwhile. If he was in pain and suffering more then I wouldn’t want that, but for now we can continue on and hope that the treatment is going to help. He is strong and isn’t ready to give up so that is promising. We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers at this time.
How do we go on….we take each day as it comes. On good days we enjoy the things we can do, on bad days we just focus on getting through. We make the most of the moments we get to share and try not to look too far into the future. We have some wonderful friends who are walking this journey with us whether they are here physically or just in spirit, you know who you are – thank you so much, you are giving us the strength to get through this. Also God is a big part of us getting through, it is our trust in him that keeps us believing that whatever the outcome everything will work out as it is meant to, we don’t have to have the answers or be in control, we can let go and let God.
I am still out taking photos, I struggle to process them but I am continuing to try to create some digital art, even if it is to help me find some joy within this bleak landscape that has become our lives.
I have a peace that everything will work out, somehow, someway and it is this that keeps me going. So sorry there have not been many updates but as we adjust to this life I am sure I will be able to bring you more art and photography, tips and hopefully words of wisdom.
The tip for today is just to use your phone if you don’t have your camera and get lost in the moment and create some beautiful images. Try to pick a bouquet of joy each day,a Buddhist saying is, life has 10,000 sufferings and 10,000 joys, the sufferings seem to find us, but we have to look for the joys.
Would love to know which of the Remarkable rocks image you like best and any other comments you wish to make.